When/Then...

"Our hearts leak and will always end up empty when we find our worth in anything but who we are in Christ." 

 

     This statement from 'A Confident Heart' by Renee Swope really spoke to my heart this week. It really opened up my eyes and I realized that I try to fill my empty spaces with things that I feel with make me feel fulfilled, valued, important, and needed. In my early 20's I hit a rough patch in my life. I left a job I loved, I moved across the country away from my family, and I sacrificed all of who I was for the guy that I had been seeing for a few years. Looking back now I can see how foolish I was. I had myself convinced that I needed this relationship in order to be complete. That others would look at me as a complete person as long as I had a nice home and a 'caring' fiance. Everything was shiny and perfect from the outside, and I often fell into that trap of "I'm Fine" while on the inside I was F.I.N.E. (Frazzled, Irritated, Neurotic, and Exhausted). No one could see that I was working 80 to 90 hours a week to keep our condo and cars, that I was starving myself physically and spiritually to be 'attractive', and enduring an endless barrage of insults and injuries day in and day out by someone who 'loved' me, who 'completed' me. You can only be told how ugly and worthless you are before you start to believe exactly that. In addition to the verbal and physical abuse, I began to suffer spiritually. How could God love me if I'm worthless?  I took a little longer than I care to admit, but one day I quit my job, I packed up my car, and I made that 3,000 mile journey right back home. It was one of the hardest things I had ever done in my life, but I could never explain in words how happy I am I did it. I have an amazing relationship with God, I have a great career, I have a wonderful family, and an amazing boyfriend. 

I stand here today a strong, beautiful, fiercely independent woman of God. 

 

• When I feel weak, I will stand up. Then I will thank God that his grace is sufficient for me, and that his power is made perfect in weakness. (2 Cr. 12:9) 

• When I feel like I am nothing special, I will look to God. Then he will remind me that I am a masterpiece, and that he has created me to do good things. (Eph 2:10) 

• When I feel that my situation is impossible, and I don't have the strength to change it, I will call on Gods help. Then I will remember that with God, all things are possible. (Luke 18:27)

• When I feel overwhelmed, I will take a deep breath. Then God will give me perfect peace and confidence. (John 16:33) 

• When I feel unattractive, I will stop. Then I will remember that I am beautiful and that God is enthralled by my beauty. (Psalm 45:11) 

• When I feel like I am not strong enough, I will go on. Then I will know that God is the strength of my heart forever. (Psalm 73:26)  

• When I feel worthless, I will stop, look in the mirror, and pray. Then I will see that I am precious and loved by God. (Isaiah 43:4)  

 On Your promise, I will stand. All other ground is sinking sand. When I feel like giving up, when my heart is hurt too much, feels like I've reached the end, I won't turn and run. I'll Stand! Stand! Stand! 

 

 

 Verse Map: Psalm 36:7

How priceless is Your love, O God! People take refuge in the shadow of Your wings.