Determination

“We were made for more than this. More than this failure. More than this cycle. We were made for victory.” Lysa TerKeurst, Made to Crave

     Last week I wrote about my weight loss journey that began last year, and today I wanted to share a small (but large to me) victory. Everyone knows how much they dread getting their drivers license photo taken, no matter how much time prepping in front of the bathroom mirror, no matter how much time spent blow drying and flat ironing that lovely mess of a mop we call our hair, that picture is always HORRID! How do they do that? It's like they take a special training course on how to take the most unflattering picture. Well today as I patiently sat waiting in the longest line ever at the DMV, I thought, no matter what this picture has to be better than the last. As I sat in the chair, answered the questions (Yes, I am an organ donor) and saw that lovely flash that seems to be as bright as the surface of the sun, I smiled.  It was refreshing to hear the clerk look at me and say "Wow, you look great! Look at your picture." Looking back at me on that little screen was the old me, and the new me. I can't tell you how good it felt to see HALF of the old me looking back. My face was half as wide, skin bright, and a great confident smile. No more giant double chin, no more blotchy skin, no more awkward half smile.

“Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.”

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 NLT

 I left the DMV, not discouraged, but with an entirely new sense of determination, because the next time, I'm looking forward to looking at the new HALF me.  It made it a little easier to grab that water and eat my pile of steamed cauliflower for lunch and graciously ignore the pile of cookies in the break room. I'm fighting this fight, not for beauty, not for you, not for acceptance, but for me. Fighting for my health, my confidence, my family. 

I know how easy it is to put off working out or to not want to cook dinner tonight.  I work nights and I'm telling you that working night shift in an ER/ICU will at times make you consider physical harm to someone who comes between you and caffeine or that sugary snack. Self control is a choice. I choose to get healthy.  

P.S. Say a little prayer for our weight race team, initial weigh ins are this week... EEK!

Permissible But Not Beneficial

Just because something is permissible doesn’t mean it is beneficial to us. Yes, the truth hurts sometimes, and with the Made To Crave bible study, so much truth has been thrown right at my face. I'm broken and bruised but will come out a much better person. This has been a sore subject with me since college, an on going battle not only with weight/health, but all the confidence that comes with it.

Last year my boyfriend and I went on a weight-loss journey, and it was AMAZING. I have not felt this good since high school. He lost 164 pounds.... yes, you read that right... 164 POUNDS!! I am dwindling along right around 70 lbs, I still have quite a way to go but I'm really proud of myself so far. We bought a food scale, measured out every single thing we ate, cut out all the bad things (we still had a cheat day, no worries...), had all the fancy fitness apps to log our run times and distances, got a weight bench to tone all the flabbies when the skin got loose, and just went at it with everything we had... which brings me to this weeks topic: Permissible but not beneficial. 

I work full time in an acute care setting, I also have two casual positions (one in an LTAC and one in a sleep lab) where I pick up extra hours. I can't tell you how many days I come home from a 12+ hour shift with a 1h15m commute each way and say to myself- "It was a really long day, you are so tired, just skip running this morning." "You really need to get some sleep before work, just cut out that last set."  or "It's too late, you don't have time to cook dinner, just grab something on the way to work." And I could go on for days but you get my drift. It's permissible, but not beneficial.

It's been a real fight to face the fact that I'M MAKING EXCUSES.

I'M MAKING EXCUSES!

 

I can't hide it, I need to fight it! I'm glad I can join you girls, I'm glad that someone out there is going to hold me accountable, and that I'm going to have God on my side. I'm diving in with my head held high!